Interview with Parent Educator Bill Corbett

Written by Evan on Wednesday, December 28th, 2011 with 3 comments

Today’s interview is with Bill Corbett, an optimistic and energetic speaker who helps parents figure out the best way to raise children.

He is the author of the parenting book series, “Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parents Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids,”  which won the Parent Tested / Parent Approved seal of approval. Bill Corbett is also the executive producer and host of the public access television show “Creating Cooperative Kids.” Of course, not all qualifications involve seals, stamps, and certifications. Bill has 3 grown children, 2 grandchildren, 3 stepchildren, and lives with his wife and teenage stepdaughter in Hartford, Connecticut.

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How did you become an expert on parenting and avoid falling into the bad habits that so many of us are prone to?

By first falling into all those bad habits with my first child like everyone else, and then consciously accepting the fact that what I was doing wasn’t working.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting to get different results.  That’s what many parents are doing today but they won’t admit that their head hurts.

But what helped launch me onto my journey as a parenting expert was to do something about the bad habits and begin searching for more effective and modernized discipline that truly works with today’s challenging child.  It all began to take shape for me when I made the decision to become a certified part-time parent educator, to not only learn how to be a better father than my own but to also help others create more peace and cooperation at home.

If you could say one sentence to every parent on earth, what would it be?

I would say, “Make your life easier and sell them to the zoo!  Parenting is too hard!”  All kidding aside, I would borrow a quote from author John W. Whitehead by saying, “Your children are living messages that you will send to a time you will not see.”  Based on the discipline you’re currently using, what messages will you be sending when you’re gone?

What’s your biggest pet peeve about how parents act? What’s your biggest pet peeve about how kids act?

My biggest pet peeve about how parents act is that they expect their child to behave and see the world as they do.  They get so annoyed when their kids are acting normal, doing the things that kids are wired to do.

I was standing in line at a grocery store one day and a father and his little girl of about 5 were in front of me.  We were waiting to check out and the dad was obviously feeling anxious about something.  It appeared that he was late for something and was in a hurry.  Boy, haven’t we seen this situation before?  Meanwhile, the little girl stood next to him and began to spin in place, watching as the hem of her dress would spin outward, like little girls do.  Suddenly the dad grabbed the girl by the arm and scolded her to stop spinning and to stand still.  The fact is that it is hard for kids to stand still and besides, why couldn’t she just spin to bide her time?

I don’t have a pet peeve about how kids act.  Instead, I enjoy watching them every moment I can to see how they explore their world and adapt to their caregivers and the rest of the world around them.  Kids act out to get their needs met, to imitate what they see, and to communicate with others.

Which do you use as your greatest source of inspiration for good parenting techniques: your life as a child or your life as an adult?

My parents were abusive caregivers, simply repeating the practices that their parents used on them.  I have forgiven them for any hurt or pain I experienced and have a wonderful relationship with them today.  My inspiration comes from the cycle they, and many other parents, could not break free from and see their child’s behavior in a different light.

The different light also came to me in the additional inspiration I received from the research completed and written about by the Father of Individual Psychology, Alfred Adler.  He was one of few voices in the early 20th century who believed that children were not bad or sinful, they were simply acting out to find their way in the world.  He taught me and others that there are far more effective and healthier discipline practices available to parents once we better understand why children act the way they do.  We don’t run to the oil change place with every noise we hear coming from under the hood of our car.  Instead, smart drivers usually bring their vehicle to someone who can “lift the hood” and reveal the true source of the noise or problem.

Likewise in parenting, instead of guessing our way at what discipline to use, parenting can actually be more fun and effective if we learn how to “lift the hood” on our child’s behavior (of seek out help from experts) and find the source of the misbehavior.  Once we do this, we can address the problem, not the symptom of the challenging behavior.

Have you ever come up to a complete stranger in, say, a super market and give a mini speech to a parent about how they’re doing something wrong? Do you have to resist that urge all the time?

I only did it once and never again; it didn’t go well.  In this kind of situation out in public, parents are not open to learning nor are they interested in being corrected.  There is something about parenting that moves adults into thinking that they are supposed to know how to do it all perfectly and without seeking help.  If a weakness is brought to their attention, especially in public, they take it personally and move into the “fight or flight” mode.  Since that uncomfortable incident in my first year as a parent educator, I now take notice of parents who are doing something well and make a comment about that.  I choose to focus on encouraging others, rather than correcting.  For the children I see in public whose parents are not behaving well, I say a private prayer for the child AND the parent and move on.

Describe your parenting style in 2 words and your public speaking ability in 2 words. The catch? Don’t tell us which words describe what. Let the readers guess which words describe your parenting style and which words describe your public speaking style.

“Talk Less”

“Passionate Engagement”

Your speeches are directed at parents. Do you think you could give an effective speech to 8-year-olds about how to be an effective child?

I cannot.  Eight year old kids are already effective children.  If someone believes they aren’t, then they got that way because of the actions and words of the adult caregivers who provide their nurturing.

What would you like to change about your speeches?

Everything!  My speech is never the same.  I construct and deliver each speech based on who is in my audience and environmental factors.  I draw my energy from the looks, reactions, and body language of those who are before me, so each speech is delivered differently to meet the emotional needs of the parents and professionals in my audience.  Sometimes I even change or adjust my speech or presentation continuously in the same session.  My intention is to remain consciously aware of the feedback I receive from my listeners to keep them engaged continuously throughout my presentation.

Do you have any heroes?

My parenting hero is Alfred Adler who is history’s first official parent educator.  Ignoring the scoffs of his peers like Freud, Adler went into the school systems to provide discipline help to parents and teachers at no charge.

My speaking hero is Tom Peters, one of the business world’s most energetic and engaging presenters.  Although many feel he goes a bit over the edge with too much movement on the stage, he taught me a great deal about talking charge of the front of the room to capture your audience’s attention through the use of personal passion.

What are your best and worst speaking moments?

My best speaking moment occurred in 2010 when I was invited to be the keynote presenter at a bullying conference in front of an audience of nearly 1000 parents and educators.  Fifteen minutes into my engaging presentation, my call to action for all parents to refrain from allowing children and young teens access to Facebook and cell phones was met with energetic applause and many to their feet.  The noise forced me to stand silently on stage, basking in the encouragement I was receiving for my challenge to all in attendance.

My worst speaking moment will not be forgotten anytime soon.  I was conducting an all-day lecture for a large group of school psychologists in Maryland.  It was bad enough that the temperature in the room would not cool down and that the room was a lecture hall type of room where everyone was above me, placing me below the entire group on a sunken platform.  The worst was that there were a handful of industrial psychologists who continued to heckle me and make discouraging comments throughout the day.  They admitted they were only there to obtain their CEU credits and felt that my methodology was too “new age” for them to swallow.  They said they were from the old school of “Fort Knox” when it comes to discipline.  Their disrespectful behavior made it an incredibly challenging experience for me and annoying to the rest of the audience.

What advice do you have for aspiring speakers?

Work on your training in your local Toastmasters International chapter for the rest of your life and attend the speeches of many, many other speakers to watch and learn from.  As you meet speaker’s along your journey, ask each one to offer you one tip that they feel helped them get to where they are.  Collect these tips and try them out for yourself.  Keep the ones that help you excel and discard the ones that don’t.

Most importantly, always remain open to the feedback from others as this will help you create greater alignment between the perception your audience has of you and the perception you have of your own performance.  With your openness to learn and grow, over time the two will align to great accuracy.